I have no idea why she says "vanilla" of all things......

The other "em" videos that show up after this are just random ones, and NOT my Em.

As of today, Em goes to daycare full-time for the rest of the summer. Having her go only 3 days a week was too infrequent to really establish a routine with her, and she got upset when she had to go. I had tried to keep my drives to a minimum because her daycare is half an hour away and gas is going through the roof.

It didn't work very well, so I will have to suck up the extra expense. Thankfully, its just until school starts in september. Then she will be taking the bus to the school which is just 10 minutes away.

So starting today, I will be able to work 5 days a week, all day. Just like a normal employed person. Though I'm thrilled to bits about it, I am sad too. Em is growing up. School in just 2 months....!

I feel like I am neglecting her by relying so heavily on outside childcare, but the bills have to be paid and trying to work around her is worse. She gets put out of sorts when mommy has to sit at her desk when she wants to play. I know this is better for her but after 4 years, it's also hard to give up that time with her. She's a fun little thing and I will miss having her around so much. It will be evenings and weekends from now on. Her "time at home" phase is over and she is growing up.

And much to my surprise, I'm crying. So I guess I've said enough.

I don't even know how to explain what i need. I want to write a "text generator" thing, where a person can fill in a few fields, and it spits out a chunk of CSS code that can be cut and pasted. This needs to be a web-based tool that can be addedd to a webpage. Sort of like the profile tool we have here at covenspace, except that it gives the user back a piece of code that incorporates the information provided (background, colours, whatever).

All my google searches for code to do this, results in just pages that have these generators on them (like myspace code generators). I don't want to find someone elses generator, I want to find out how to MAKE my own.

If you have any clue how to do this, or just point me in the right direction, I'd appreciate it.

I think I have a sinus infection, likely due to my horrendous allergies from living with all this country!

My head hurts and feels like it's going to burst. Em is not particularly sympathetic when Mommy is sick, which means this is going to be a long day (and possibly a long weeknd). I won't be able to get to a doctor (if i go) until next week. Ow.

on the upside, we harvested a batch of new peas from my paltry little garden. Had about 20 pods, and just sat on the couch and ate them all raw. I'm starting to realize that as much as I LOVE fresh garden peas, you really do need a LOT of plants to get a usable harvest ouf of them. Though I did choose a very early variety, which is likely not the most productive. Either way... YUM.

A while ago, Simon offered to do a quick Tarot reading for me as he was learning and wanted some practice. So my question was "where in holy heck my love life is going".  Here is my reading.

"So here we go...
I will try to stay as general as possible since we cant talk to work out the details of the cards. But I will give some areas to work with.

I did two spreads (I got another deck today and wanted to see how it is to use) The cool thing is the children card came up in the same column in both decks. There seems to be some good feelings in the past as though you were happy with your family life. But in each deck, a sword cuts it off. Was there some legal things with the kids? either way, it doesn't necessarily seem fair or pretty for the breakup. A sort of cheated feeling. I think this experience has left you somewhat disillusioned. Some sense of mourning or bitterness of what has happened with men. One card actually suggests man troubles. With these pulls, there is a large feeling of daydreamer. This could be a romantic at heart, but that heart feels a little bruised at times. There is an idea of a fair amount of wavering, with emotions and decisions.

I don't get the feeling that someone will just present them self to you. In fact, the overwhelming theme of this read for you is to do some healing and self work. One of the cards that came up for the what-you-can-do column is a healing of the heart that many times represents cheating and feelings of infidelity. I cant know if you were cheated on, but either way, the hurt heart of an old relationship needs to be helped. The feelings inside of you have to be faced. If they are not, sarcasm that actually hurts others can be the result. This comes from a place of emotions that weren't listened to to give them some soothing reassurance. It is a lurking anger that is masking a fear. I think that you are quite imaginative. This is a good thing if it can be harnessed. It will give you new areas to try that aren't like the old things that have been done. Once this vision of what to try is dreamed, put it to the test. Stick with it a bit and give it your best shot. It is always good to be compassionate and have dealings carried out with grace. This must be internalized for you first, then it will travel outside and start to fill your relationships with others. It would be great to treat yourself kindly so others can do the same. After honoring your emotions, as I said earlier, you will have to make efforts to get outside. You are going to have to go looking, the cards dont show a love will come to you. In fact, you got the fool beginning his journey again. With a pep in his step open to the many possibilities before him! The Forrest Gump, where good things happen."

I've suspected for a while that I need to be on my own for a while, and learn to enjoy my time on my own. So this is not really a surprise, but pretty much right on target.

He was looking for other volunteers to have readings done for practice. I'm not sure if he's still looking for folks or not, but you can always ask.